Fame & Shame #25

Here is the latest installment of Fame and Shame—a small peek into my life! However, today, there is no fame. Just one really long shame.

I haven’t wrote or published a Fame & Shame since June of 2017. I inadvertently stopped writing these. I don’t know why, but I suspect because I felt like it was not worth routinely coming up with three things I disagreed with and three things that I wanted to share or loved what was happening.

However, with all the recent events that are happening in this world, this installment will be rather easy. And, I’d like to share my thoughts with you.

It’s a shame that since 1863 Black people (as a whole) still not have been granted the same freedom, liberties, choices, opportunities, luxuries, and absences of racism that their white counterparts freely enjoy without opposition.

title-shame
  • Stubbornness: I don’t even know if that is the right word to use. But right now I am seeing so many people online refusing to even open or expand their minds—to even listen to the mere idea that unfairness, inequality, or racial bias might exist. Some of these people are my friends; some of these people are my family. This really saddens me because I am going to have to take a stand and make a choice. I can no longer pretend that I don’t see your subtle or overt racism. I can no longer pretend that it doesn’t bother me. I have picked up on and detected your racist views many times. Sometimes I spoke out and sometimes I observed in silence. I know that unfriending you or ignoring you is not going to change your views and I know that it’s not going to solve any of the problems we are facing. But I do know that right now, you are in the minority. There is an evolution happening. I am sorry that you are on the wrong side of this, but honestly, you brought this upon yourself. You are so comfortable in the world that you live in, you are completely unwilling to change even an iota of what you believe-no matter how wrong. You hide behind your Christianity. You hide behind your simplemindedness. You hide behind your ignorance. You hide behind your lies. Your world is changing, and for the better, I might add.

Please know that I haven’t always got it right and still today, I am nowhere near perfect. I have even committed some of the atrocities I detail below. And, just as bad (or worse), I stood by silently and quietly observing many of these things happening in my presence—choosing to not say anything. Going forward, I am willing to listen more. I am willing to learn more. And I am willing to grow more and be a better supportive ally in this fight that is way overdue. I am no longer willing to be silent.

Here are some of the examples of either covert or overt racism I’ve heard or witnessed over the years:

  • When you admit you’re for racial equality but argue with every. single. example. of racial inequality there is
  • When you are unwilling to admit that systemic racism exists and even have the audacity to argue against it
  • When you negate my own daughters’ experiences and say they didn’t happen
  • When you call my daughter a coconut
  • When you use the terms “twinkie” or “oreo” to refer to someone who is not white but doesn’t act like the stereotypical version of that race that you think applies
  • When you think that because you have one Black friend, the possibility of you being a racist is null
  • When you tell me about a run-in with someone who happened to have brown skin and have to say the things they said with a very thick accent
  • When you’re not Black but think it’s cute to use the N* word
  • And, when you argue that if “they” can use it, so can I
  • When you share the Korean/Asian nail salon meme
  • When you admit that you felt uncomfortable when a “big Black man” got in the elevator with you
  • When you tell me that you grew up in N* town
  • When you refer to certain music as N* music
  • When you visit my house (and you are family) and use the N* word without batting an eye
  • When you tell me that you love your new vehicle but aren’t fond of the Mexican rims
  • When you say that your F150 is a Mexican truck because it isn’t loaded, more expensive or an F350
  • When you refuse to call a cashew A CASHEW
  • When you pronounce Mexican as “meskin”
  • When you use the term wet b*ck to refer to Mexicans
  • When you say you N*rigged something (instead of haphazardly fixing it)
  • Or when you use any racial slurs
  • When you don’t support Black Lives Matter and feel the need to combat it with All Lives Matter
  • When you counter Black Lives Matter with “what about the Black aborted babies?”
  • When you thwart Black Lives Matter with a Black-on-Black crime debate
  • When you tell me that Black Lives Matter is comprised of murderers and police haters
  • When you say that white privilege isn’t a thing and that “you worked for everything you have”
  • When you refer to the riots as an episode of “Planet of the Apes”
  • When you say that everyone is “just so sensitive” these days
  • When an offensive statue comes down and you argue that “we are erasing history” (NO ONE can erase history. It is DONE. But we can choose who we honor, celebrate and what we idolize going forward.)
  • When you continue to fly your rebel flag
  • When you tell me that the Chinks altered your suit for your daughter’s wedding
  • When you dressed up as “tar babies” for Halloween
  • When you share every single meme that depicts Black people killing or injuring white people
  • When you shared the video of young caucasian children screaming what sounded like they were getting N*s for Christmas
  • When you refer to Black parents of the children in your daughter’s schoolroom by saying, “You know how hysterical they get”
  • When you sat in my living room and said the N* word; and after I asked you not to use that word in my house, you had the nerve to repeat it
  • When you came to my house to deliver something and the Olympics are on my TV; you mentioned you’ve been waiting for that N* to run (referring to Usain Bolt)
  • When you questioned why those young men were allowed in my niece’s bedroom; and then when told that she was trusted with young men in her bedroom, you admitted that it wasn’t because they were young men, but because they were young Mexican men
  • When you asked how “those Mexicans” could afford the expensive toys in their yard
  • When you question how she afforded that vehicle
  • When you called Beyonce a “bitch” after performing in the Superbowl XLVII halftime show in an online comment buried deep within many thousands of comments thinking yours would go unnoticed
  • When you were offended by JLO and Shakira’s wardrobe in Superbowl LIV but didn’t share the same feelings about Adam Levine’s performance in Superbowl LII (Psst. You might also have misogynistic tendencies.)
  • When you comment on a news story, or otherwise, and refer to Black men as “thugs” (Psst. they are just criminals—allegedly in some cases.)
  • When you refer to a certain neighborhood as “the ghetto”
  • When you share the two Black people’s opinions that align with your own and IGNORE the millions who don’t
  • When there are no Black, Brown, Red and/or Yellow people in your friends list
  • When you refuse to let your daughter date outside of your race
  • When you naively think someone can just “be strong” or “pull themselves up from the bootstraps”
  • When you think avoiding police brutality is only a matter of following the law
  • When you refuse to make eye contact with people who don’t look like you
  • When you refer to Juneteenth as N* Day
  • When you say you “don’t see color”
  • When you blame all this on the “way that you were raised”
  • When you’d rather argue instead of just listening

I could probably go on. Honestly, I’m exhausted. You should be too.

If you don’t agree that these things are racist (Tsk. Tsk.), then please know that on the lowest and most basic level, they are wildly insensitive and extremely hurtful.

You can do better and you can start today.

If you enjoyed this blog post and would like to get your hands on 20 FREE interactive wedding planning tools that every couple needs, please take a moment to access them here.

You can always call or text, but if you really want to get to know me, schedule a meetup!



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About Ata-Girl

I am a San Antonio-based wedding photographer and I cater to outdoor-loving couples who prefer to have all the realness captured on their wedding days. I am the wedding photographer for the outdoor adventurers, the romantics, the laid back, the snugglers, and those who wish to capture all their realness.

I am absolutely in love with capturing the kinds of weddings where there are more hugs than handshakes, the dance floor rumbles all night long, and chairs are pretty much rendered useless after dinner. Whiskey bottles are passed around, most of the wedding party has been best-best friends since kindergarten, Grams is likely to lose her shoes and your partner is much more emotional than you are. These kinds of weddings are my jam!

You can always call or text, but if you really want to get to know me, schedule a meetup!

I started Ata-Girl Photography Co., LLC in 2010. I firmly believe that the unique set of circumstances I have faced in life has prepared me to take a personal and genuine interest in my photography clients. I enjoy documenting the important milestones and captivating moments in people’s lives. I love being a part of people’s journeys and consider myself privileged to document their legacies.

If you enjoyed this blog post and would like to get your hands on 20 FREE interactive wedding planning tools that every couple needs, please take a moment to access them here.

I am a published author (purchase my book here), a podcast host (listen here) (watch here) and a WPPI-C certified professional, full-time wedding photographer. I specialize in a 10-day image delivery, same-day prints, same-day slideshows, Italian handcrafted wedding albums and I have a mobile meeting space.

When I’m not behind my camera, you can find me hiking, cycling, backpacking, camping, enjoying water sports, listening to music (Elvis and Prince), hunting for arrowheads, reading audiobooks, occasionally eating a few glazed donuts (my only weakness to sweets) and then re-starting my keto diet about every 10 days. The most important things in life are for me to see my two daughters happy and to create a family history my grandparents and grandson would be proud of.