A few weeks ago, I wrote about the ten mother of the bride duties. The mother of the bride is plays a pretty important role in the planning and execution of the actual wedding day. However, the mother of the groom has some pretty important tasks to peform as well.
As with all modern weddings, traditions and rules have changed significantly over the last few decades. Traditionally, the parents of the bride took on most of the responsibilities associated with the wedding planning and the parents of the groom took more of a backseat. However, with today’s weddings, both sets of parents are major players in the wedding planning process—especially if the financial burden is split equally or near equally. I might add though, that the parents of the groom should still exercise caution and take all lead and direction from the parents of the bride.
Mother of the Groom Duties
- Express Your Happiness-If you haven’t already participated in an engagement celebration, you should call the parents of the bride and invite them out (or over to your house) for dinner and cocktails as soon as you learn of the engagement. Express your happiness for the newlyweds and your willingness to help with any aspect of the wedding planning. If the bride’s parents are divorced, exercise caution with inviting her parents to your house. You may have to plan separate meetings in order to avoid any awkwardness. If your side of the family has not had a chance to meet the bride-to-be, you may also plan a dinner to introduce her to her soon-to-be family.
- Provide a Guest List-After the bride/bride’s parents let you know how many people you can invite to the wedding, you should provide an accurate guest list with current mailing addresses and zip codes.
- Advise of Family Traditions-You should be able to advise your son and future daughter-in-law of any religious or cultural/ethnic traditions that are normally carried out at your family’s weddings. If they choose to incorporate any of these traditions into their wedding day activities, you should be the one to advise them how to properly carry these traditions out.
- Point of Contact–Only if you are asked and usually only if the wedding will take place in your son’s hometown and the bride’s family does not live there, you can serve as the point of contact to all the wedding day creatives (florist, cake designer, photographer, etc.). Make sure you have detailed conversations about these aspects of the day so it is easier for you to answer questions when they arise. This way, you only have to trouble the bride or bride’s mom when you don’t know the answer.
- Help with RSVPs-You should offer to telephone any of your family members who did not RSVP in a timely manner. This will help to have an accurate number of guests and to plan accordingly. You can also help your family’s out-of-town guests with reservations and travel needs.
- Purchase Your Dress-After the mother of the bride has chosen her dress and relayed the details to you, you should choose your dress. You should make every effort to match in style, grace and elegance. If the bride’s mother chooses a long dress, so should you. If she chooses a short dress, you are to also wear a short dress. Your dress should not be the same color as the bridesmaids or the mother of the bride’s dresses, but correlate nicely. Your dresses should complement, not compete with each other. (Never wear white.) You can also invite the bride when you shop for your dress.
- Plan the Rehearsal Dinner-Plan and host the rehearsal dinner. This can be as simple or as elaborate as you’d like. It is customary to invite the entire wedding party and their spouses or significant others. The parents of any children participating in the wedding are also invited. Planning is usually completed at least four months prior to the wedding date.
- Reception Receiving Line-Your official first duty as the mother of the groom is to stand in the receiving line to introduce your friends and family to the bride and her family. Traditionally, you should stand between the bride and her mother.
- Mother/Son Dance-Not only do you dance with your son following the first and second dances, you can also recommend a song for your dance to your son. The final decision should be his.
- DO NOT BE A MOMZILLA-This isn’t only for mothers of brides! Don’t be overpowering, controlling or unreasonable. Just don’t. This day isn’t about you. Also, become familiar with the maid of honor’s responsibilities so you can avoid stepping on her toes.
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